At a pain conference I attended some years ago, a gastroenterologist assured the audience that he is qualified to talk about pain because he had been married for 30 years. Is it so bad? Are the happy guys just pretending or are the pathetic ones just unlucky or clueless? Having been through the journey myself, I realised that the gastroenterologist was not an isolated case. It doesn’t matter if you’re a doctor. You can still be a nobody in this society, more elegantly labelled a subpar man by insanely popular and discriminating influencers like Melissa Faith Yeo.
When I was growing up, the rank or title of “captain” or “doctor” were highly respectable. I didn’t know what a major was and so “captain” was a very big deal. I thought anyone who is a captain or had a “doctor” in front of his name would make the girls drool, but reality says something else. Sadly, nowadays, even a captain or a doctor may have to splurge on Siam diu and KTV lounges to get the girls’ attention. Case in point:
Former Captain Benjamin Song was deputy cluster commander at Supply Base North. Over a period of about three years, a SAF captain cheated 16 victims of more than $143,000 after incurring significant credit card debt from patronising Thai clubs and KTV lounges. Many of his victims were his subordinates. He told them he would use their money for “investments” or to pay his mother’s medical bills. Instead, between 2011 and 2018, Song incurred an undisclosed amount of debt from patronising Siam dius and KTV lounges. Seriously? Well, it may have something to do with his looks, but does a man of his status really need to spend so much money to get the girls’ attention? Which girl wouldn’t want to date a “deputy cluster commander at Supply Base North”? It’s scary? If a “deputy cluster commander” has problems, what about the subpar guys like me?
I’ve only been to a Siam diu once when my friend Cantopop legend William Scorpion was performing. It was an eye-opener and also an expensive experience. Guys were virtually throwing money at the girls and many of them were repeat customers. I heard that some of them could spend tens of thousands in just one night. Why does it cost so much for these guys to prove that they are not losers? I was speechless. Except for my friend performing on stage, I didn’t meet anyone I know. I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone of rank or respectable social status to be there. But I was wrong. The “dignified” girls in “decent” jobs may flash a #metoo warning to even the most accomplished and cultured guys. Worse, they may get labelled “subpar”.
So if you gather all the subpar and guys and the gastroenterologists in pain, you’ve got a huge market for girls who promise you no drama – as long as you pay up. Is it tragic? Sure it is, for many guys, the massage lady or the beer promoter could be the only person who would listen to their grouses. It’s not that these poor uncles like to fish at the bottom. Even those who are not poor uncles are shunned by the average girls.
Then, there’s this uncle who lost $60,000 lending money to a masseuse from China. The 43-year-old Mr Deng, a logistics worker, met the 41-year-old massage lady surnamed Li at a massage parlour in Toa Payoh on 27 December 2025. Obviously happy with her service, he soon became a regular customer and became close friends to Li after the latter expressed concern for his well-being and confided in him about her personal struggles. Perfectly decent. That’s how people develop a relationship. But in March this year, Deng noticed that Li was not herself. The massage lady revealed that she had borrowed a large sum of money from relatives and friends to renovate her new house in China, and was overwhelmed by huge debts. Uncle Deng decided to play hero.
Beyond direct financial assistance, he said he also spent money on gifts and expenses related to her work, including purchasing a new iPhone and helping to boost her sales performance, which were estimated to cost around $20,000. When the relationship eventually deteriorated, Deng decided to end it and request that Li return part of the money he had given her. She agreed to return part of the loan at first but became uncontactable. Deng said he subsequently visited the massage parlour where Li had worked, only to find it deserted and later learned that she had reportedly moved to another workplace in Ang Mo Kio Avenue 4 but he was still unable to locate her. She could have left Singapore.
Not surprisingly, many people are mocking Mr Deng for trusting the massage lady from China. Yes, he was foolish, but I suspect that this is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg and the problem might have arisen only because of Mr Logistics Worker’s low income. To some of the guys at the Siam diu, $60,000 is probably chicken feed, buying them some flattering companionship. Given the high standards held to the subpar men and the pain in the gut felt even by an accomplished gastroenterologist, we really shouldn’t mock the pathetic subpar guys. The massage lady or the beer promoter could be the only person who would listen to their grouses. And they charge less than psychotherapists. Go ahead and make that connection, have your fun. Hunkle understands and won’t judge you. The hell with those who call us subpar or give us a pain in the gut. Go ahead and play hero. Just bear in mind – always play within your means. Never ever borrow money from banks to show your heroism.